Remembering in the Heart

From August 1, 2013

My mom lost her battle to heart failure early this week. When I was eight she went in for surgery to repair a damaged valve. It worked well and served her for many years. Now that she is gone, we carry her in our own hearts.

The Bible states that, “Children are a gift from the Lord.” Surely, then, our mother was also a gift from God. And all of us would name her as our first and one of our best friends.

With her example and her words, she taught us many important lessons that we still benefit from today. She taught us to see the humor in a situation and to never take life too seriously. Growing up, we children were a source of joy for her. And when we were upset, and our world seemed to crumble around us, she could make us laugh. I will always fondly remember that laugh and her eager smile. If you knew her, I know you would, too.

From the beginning she modeled what a loving relationship should be in a family, where she proved to be a faithful companion to her own mother and loved spending time with her brothers, sisters, and her cousins, when her travels allowed. She also helped us to see the good in our own family so that, despite the natural strife and rivalries that all families experience, we still appreciate and love each other. Key to this, I now see, was her unfailing love for each of us and her ability to listen closely to what we said.

She allowed us to fail when we made poor choices. That must have been hard for her. But stepping in to rescue us from our own mess would not have helped us learn from our mistakes, nor take responsibility for our actions. She wouldn’t abandon us, however. But acting as a wise coach, she would comfort us and help us to think through what we would need to do so that we would do better next time. I loved that. And I try to keep this in mind when parenting my own children.

She taught me through the trials she experienced with her health and her marriage to not strive with the things you can’t change, but to do what needs to be done for your self and for the peace of others. I am grateful for her kindness and patience, demonstrated through it all. She endured much hardship for our sakes.

She believed that, often, the simple things were the best things in life, such as taking time to chat with a family member late into the night, or to curl up with a book and pay attention to it as if it were a long lost friend. Going for a walk when we were small children and her health was not such a limit then was always great fun. Or surprising the family with a movie night at home, so that, despite our individual struggles or directions in life, we could sit down to share that time, together. These simple things, I have seen, are embedded in each of her children as we, too, carry out these same traditions with our own families.

Many call her family. We are privileged to call her Mom. And everyone she spent time with would call her friend. May her friendship bring us comfort, and may her memory be a continual source of joy and strength.